Endorphins

Hello again, I know it hasn't been too long since my last update.. But ever since I put "Daymare" on the site, I've felt a little uneasy..

I'm trying to find the right words to explain it, but I can't. Daymare has a certain dark quality to it that has created a negative atmosphere on the blog.. and, for that reason, I want to change it.

Of course, I can't recant my post.. I mean, I could delete it, obviously.. But that's not what I mean. I can't undo what is written. Daymare has to be one of my favourite pieces, mostly because it hits something inside that I can't even put into words.

Yes, wordless... that's unusual for me!

Anyway, I did say I was posting poetry that sort of reflects my life as it currently is.. So with that in mind, here's my next one.

I wrote Endorphins while waiting for two of my college mates to meet me for project work. It was a Sunday and the weather was lovely.. The sun was on my face, there was a light breeze circling me and the clouds were passing very slowly in the sky.

I was sitting outside my college, on what everyone refers to as 'The Fish.' It's a statue surrounded by a pile of rocks.. I've mention it in one of my previous poems, Shelly Place.

Endorphins is a true reflection of my life as it is at the moment because it mirrors my happiness.. My new-found willingness to just move on from the past. Forgiving and forgetting, letting go. I know I went through a phase where 'letting go' was my main priority, but this time, I mean it. Back then I was trying to convince myself it was for the best, and encourage myself to finally do it.. Now, I've done it. I've let go, and realised it was all for the better.

There are a minority that stuck by me to this point..and for them, I grew strong. This is for you guys..

Thank you x

Endorphins

As I sit upon the rocks now,
I can't think of a better place.
With the fish like a tower above me,
And the sun shine upon my face.
It is not yet Summer,
But the air feels soft and warm.
The wide world that surrounds me,
Has taken a new form.
The sky that sits above me,
Is filled with a mixture of bright hues.
And while I'm looking right up,
I think of all the 'yous'.
The ones I think of during my daytime,
And those I see within my dreams,
And those I will only ever get to reach,
Through the sun beams.
I know I grew callous for months there,
And I'm sincerely sorry for that.
But the feelings that I felt so deep,
Were really difficult to combat.
I've found here in the sunshine,
My innate self is breaking straight through.
And I really hope if you're reading this,
You know I've written it for you.
The you that did not leave me.
The you that has held on.
The you that is the reason,
I eventually grew strong.
I've been sitting here for hours now,
But it feels like years instead.
And I'm waiting for something,
To follow the path I've led.
It's not all that straight-forward,
There are many obstacles it must cross.
From every painful defeat to failure,
To every rueful regret and loss.
I know I must be patient,
For good things come to those who wait.
And just as I look up now,
I feel glad for my true faith.
I know now I can stop running,
And truly begin to love me.
I can let happiness finally catch up,
So that what is destined, will be.

22 March 2015