Time's flying by so fast, it's actually really scary.. Before we know it, it'll be Christmas again!
Anyway.. I've had mixed feelings about this poem, and for that reason I was a little reluctant to post it. I've had a few chances every now and again, despite how busy I've been for the past two weeks.. But I just couldn't sit still and explain what this poem is about.
Again, I just want to remind the reader that my poetry is fictitious, no matter how much it feels as if I'm describing myself.
13 Layers of Irony is the third part of the Fictional Dependency series. It has to be my favourite part of the three so far, because of the emotion. The whole idea of regret dominates her, she made a mistake and because she's now blocked out from his world, she has decided to tell herself she didn't care anyway.
I'm glad many questions come to mind while you're reading the poem. Even I find myself asking questions. Ones I have no answers for.. That I will eventually find when the time is right.
I hope you enjoy it, I know it's a long poem. My longest poem yet, with 30 stanzas!
The dedication goes toward my new friend, Shane McGowan. Many aspects of the poem are actually based on Shane's life. It's not about him, not even slightly. But there are key characteristics about the character that are relatable to him. Though, that's not why I've dedicated it to him.. It was actually Shane who gave me the title of the poem. He inspired the next chapter of my character's life.
I was stopped in my tracks in early May when I began putting pen to paper for this one. I wanted to cover another angle of the character's life. I figured, no one's asking what her name is.. where she's from.. what her interests are.. No one cares about the basic identity of the character.. They just want to understand why she has a burning passion to fix a world many wouldn't deem broken in the first place.
Personally, I believe the world is corrupt .. Very rarely do I witness an act of humanity. A proper piece of proof that we all have the ability to be at peace. To be truly loving, caring, honest, loyal, courageous, wise, kind..... True.
We have the ability to be a whole load more than what we are. And today, after discovering something horrific on the bus home, I finally understood why we hold back.
Think about it, there are two worlds on the same planet. One rich and one poor. Two extremities... Money is the monster. What we should only view as an object, with it's sole purpose intending to be trade, has become a source of power.
I know it's common knowledge, that wealth defines us. And, yes, it's all wrong.
But that's just one big problem within the world that the majority of us are concerned about. We're not looking at the bigger picture. If we made money less powerful.. If we all found ourselves equal to one another. With as much to live for as the next person. If we filled our lives with happiness, adventure.. Love and honesty.. Yes, it would be wonderful. It would be a life in peace. It would be a miracle, a dream dreamt by many to come true.... But, it would be boring.
Every problem in the world is fixable in theory. And not a damn thing can I do about anything, except be the person who shows others that humanity exists within us. I'm disheartened by so many things I have the unfortunate honour of hearing about.
Above is what I seen on the bus. It's a hate message, written by a stranger I would hope to never know. I could talk for hours about all the possibilities there are to fix things.. I could radiate with all the optimism in the world.. But I would never win.
The fakery.. lust.. hate.. and pure ignorance, over-weighs even the notion of repair.
And that's why it's best to just be silent.
My voice is silenced by the world.
Fictional Dependency - Part III: 13 Layers of Irony
She keeps the remnants of your relationship in a box,
Which is left hidden away, under her bed, on the floor.
She used to take it out and look at it's contents in nostalgia..
But not any more.
There's just something about your last moments that stop her.
Her love for you suddenly turns into hate.
All the plans she set out for the future vanish,
And she's left to believe loneliness is her fate.
She remembers how she met you in the Autumn,
When the leaves were turning from green.
And the way your eyes lit up against the orange backdrop;
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen..
She told me how she felt about you:
How you took a hold on her soul,
And how she left you alone in springtime,
When the world took back control.
She told me how dark the sun shone upon her,
And how she found herself lost in another.
How she avoided the overwhelming thought of losing you,
In fear that she would smother.
I knew not of her battles,
Until she made them quite clear.
She regretted ever leaving your loving arms,
So she never wanted you near.
She told me that I could never understand her.
I could never truly know why.
Because of the 13 layers of irony,
She hides deep down inside.
The darkness took over,
Once she lost sight of your eyes.
Cause, although she doesn't know when it happened,
She remembers you saying your goodbyes.
You were the wind to her wind chimes.
The sea to her shore.
You were the roof to her four walls.
To her heart, you were the door.
She told me how she used to wake up every morning,
And she felt a happiness deep within.
How automatically a smile would appear on her face,
Even before her day would begin.
She described the many colours the skies took.
And how she loved the feel of the atmosphere with so many voices.
She said she felt she had a place in the world.
And she had made many good choices.
She said you showed her that she was capable of loving,
And that you proved the rest of the world was wrong.
She said you were the rock that kept her solid.
You were the strength that kept her strong.
She told me how she poured her heart out to you..
How she missed you a little more each day.
How she's wasted so much time away from you.
And if she could go back, she'd tell herself to stay.
She told me she was heartless,
That's what the whole world thought.
But, out of everyone that could have told her otherwise,
It was you who told her she was not.
She told me she had no secrets:
Yet no one knew how she felt about you.
She said she never told any lies;
But when anyone asked, she said the feelings weren't true.
She told me if she could go back,
She wouldn't remake the same mistake.
But no matter what chances she has got,
Second best is all she would take.
She fought to fix a broken world,
And no one ever asked her why.
She told me nothing broken can ever truly be mended,
But there would be no harm to try.
She said no one ever asked her what her motives were,
Because they never heeded a word she said.
So she needed to get out there and take action,
As there was no use staying in bed.
She never expected me to say what I said next,
She analysed the words I had spoken.
Her face, so beautiful, dropped suddenly then,
As I told her we are all broken.
I said I wake up in the middle of the night,
Tears streaming down my face.
Awakening from a dream I had just had,
Of a better, brighter place.
I told her she may believe she's happy now,
But I can tell even from a single thought,
It's obvious inside she's far from it,
In comparison to the happiness you brought.
She told me it was too late to fix things,
That you both had already said your goodbyes,
That you faded with the seasons since she left you,
And now she can't remember the colour of your eyes.
She said the silence has not been altered by her wind chimes,
As no wind has blown since you've been gone.
She said she felt uncomfortable in the quiet,
Without you there, everything felt wrong.
She told me that the sea parted from the shoreline,
And left behind nothing but drought.
The roof detached from her four walls,
And the flame inside went out.
She said the moment she opens the lid from the box,
That she hides away on the floor, under her bed,
Every memory she has of you comes flooding back to her,
And she mourns for you as if you're dead.
She said she hates you because that's all she can do now.
It hurts too much to continue to love you.
And she's stopped by your last moments together,
Because it was those moments that made it so true.
She found love for you in the Winter.
And brought it with her through every other season.
I asked her why she has never told you how she really feels,
But she wouldn't give me a proper reason.
Instead she denied her feelings,
And told me what she tells just anyone,
Callously, detached she pretends;
"It's too late now. You're long gone."
She said you put a wall up in defense,
And she understands perfectly why.
She thinks it's best to move on and live her life without you.
A part of her has already said goodbye.
She didn't know just how beautiful she was.
It was a shame her words weren't truly heard.
She gave her all to a fight she knew she would never win,
Until her voice was silenced by the world..
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