I've struggled with a few things since the end of November. And mainly, it was finding the right words. In general, not just with poetry.
I made a promise to myself that I would tell people particular things before 2016 was over. But I have achieved nothing. It feels as if everything has fallen away from me, and I was just left in a distant place, a few months back. I have to catch up, and that's what I'm doing.
Outside of my head, I understand that makes no sense to many. But, to me, I think I've finally found the right words. I'm a little lost, but I think I'm finding my way back.
I hope you like The Silence as it genuinely has a piece of me within it. I've been trying to find the words for this kind of storyline for a while now, even long before everything fell apart. And, I think, it's sort of an anti-climax as it doesn't really have that dramatic effect in place.
I did this on purpose.
You see, this is a true story. I have, many times, stood before a mirror over the past few months, and asked myself questions as I sobbed and blew off steam. It's the truth, and I'm not ashamed to say I've been really hurt. Damaged, maybe. And I was the only person who actually pushed myself to bring the real me back to the surface. The moral of my story is that the meaning behind the poem is where the real impact happens. I don't want the truth masked by some dramatic finishing lines.
The Silence is based on a real day. A real, personal experience where I took a look around me and no matter how many people were crowded around me, I felt alone. More alone than alone. I didn't even value myself. It was just silent, all around me.
It happened in bathrooms, cafes, on the bus, in the town .. It happened everywhere. And silence is all I felt. I'm not sure why this happened, but it was certainly an eye-opener for sure. I turned my back on myself this year, not just everyone else, and I faced the consequences.
2017, for me, will be a fresh start. A new me. Everyone says that, I know, it's so cliché, but I mean it. I'm heading in a whole new direction!
Along with this, I will start fresh on my happy days challenge, as I have currently lost track.. And I will tell ye all about my prior experience in the new year.
So now, I'm very thankful to my readers for keeping up with me throughout 2016 and all the years before this! I hope you will stick with me for the next few years!
Happy 2017!
The Silence
"How do you know it's the end?"
She asks me through her tears.
It draws me back into the darkness,
Where I was faced blindly with my fears.
The scratching of heads;
The whimpers of voices;
The constant inconvenience;
And hobston's choices.
What kept me in that consistent loop?
Was it really comfort?
And what made me oblivious to your warped mind,
That did not value me or my effort?
The hatred, oh it's real!
But my heart somehow still broke.
You took with you more than our lifetime,
When you opened your mouth and spoke.
A new path was constructed.
And our moments slipped away.
Your absence became less obvious,
With the passing of every day.
But within me, past all my minds thoughts,
There is a feeling hidden deep down inside.
It dents my negativity and forgives all my regrets,
And it's the single reason I cried.
Because inside you, I seen potential,
For you to be loving, kind and true.
A man who could put others before himself,
My life partner, who would help me through.
And the darkness created that image.
Without light, I was blind.
I could not see your true colours,
Or the mask you hid behind.
Sometimes you allowed the light in,
And your beauty was something real.
You were more than that potential man,
And no hatred did I feel.
We had a future, though you did not believe it.
But that faded away with you.
I think it was all just for the better,
As your last words were the most true.
And now I'm standing before my reflection,
Asking myself how you know it's the end, for real?
And the answer is simple when you look at your surrounding,
Only to find, silence is all you really feel..
26 December 2016
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