Hi guys,

It has been a while, and it's about time I returned!

I took some time away from the blog, first out of choice.. and then slowly it became a bad habit, I just couldn't write anything, I couldn't find words to post. I have a stream of drafts in my posts section with the same lines "I've been in a slump.."

I have learned quite a lot this year: how to be a better person, how to withstand difficult situations, how to maintain a positive attitude even when you feel like smashing up the room around you.. But most of all, I've learned that those inspirational quotes are true, despite being cliche.

Things do work out, problems get resolved, hearts mend, wounds heal, trees grow back.

A few years ago, I recall reporting seeing the trees on my journey home being cut down, removed without being replanted. And years went by, and still they weren't replanted. Instead, they were left, cut down, stacked on top of each other. Rotting. I remember being so angered by it..

But I was wrong.

You see, things take a little time, and a little faith. And that's something I needed to truly understand before I could continue writing.

This next poem is one I have been struggling to write for a long time. But then, once I finally pieced the words together, I couldn't understand why. Caroline asked me about it last month, and I told her I was completely detached from it, it wasn't based on anyone in particular.. But that's only half true.

Stereotypical Liar is a story from a different time, where all the characters in my life were different, and the person I was was too. The words finally came to me after I had a weird day, more recently. I thought I seen his face, everywhere, in every stranger, everywhere I went. And it brought me back to the different time I mentioned. It brought me back to him.

And at the end of that day, once I finally stopped subconsciously looking for him.. I ran into a supermarket and met eyes with him. He smiled, hugged me and I just knew. Things work out, problems get resolved, hearts mend, wounds heal... and trees grow back.

Stereotypical Liar

He knows my heart is his,
It slipped off of my tongue;
It reflected from my actions,
And now I am the one.

But although I know I'm smiling,
A part of me is numb.
My arms are sliding around him,
While, inside, I've began to run.

My feet are kicking dirt,
The air is brushing past my ears.
It howls, and then it whispers.
My eyes fill with tears.

The road stretches out for miles, and miles.
No lights lead the way back.
Nothing succeeds my intentions.
I stay on track.

The momentum.
The passion.
The fear.
The aggression.

I run, and I run,
Despite my heavy chest.
Persistent I am to do this,
I try my best.

Storm clouds form thick above me,
And the rain begins to pour.
I build myself a raft,
And find myself an oar.

I paddle, and I paddle,
As the road continues to flood.
I'm defenseless on my small raft,
On this unstable piece of wood.

The road starts to decay,
And a hole forms below.
I notice the water level decrease,
As the wind continues to blow.

It becomes stronger, and stronger,
Until it knocks me on my back.
The Earth frantically trembles.
The surface starts to crack.

And then I find that I am falling,
Heavy in my descent.
The light above me is now leaving,
The sky has went.

The world I land into is pitch black,
There are no lights to lead the way.
And somehow this is pleasant.
Do I want to stay?

I lay silent on the hard ground,
That feels less cold than warm.
But when my eyes adjust to the darkness,
The world takes a new form.

This world has many people,
Each one busy, on their own path.
When I think of myself in comparison,
I know I would like just that.

I lay still in the position I've landed,
Until I attempt to prop up on all fours.
I stand up slow, but shaky.
And then, suddenly, every face I see is yours.

Some sort of spotlight is shining down upon me,
As panic set in deep inside.
You could not be in this dark world,
And there is no place to hide.

I race over and back in a confined space.
All eyes follow me in sync.
I can't breathe, I feel I'm drowning.
I can't think.

But if this were real, you would not taunt me.
I do not see your eyes.
Pure, hazel, and loving.
Vulnerable, without disguise.

You are not here among these strangers,
Why would you be?
Above, the sky is blue, there is no storm,
And the ground remains solid beneath me.

Instead, I'm sitting in his warm arms,
Soulfully giving it my all.
Hoping some day the ground beckons me to meet his world,
And I fall.

And when I fall, I hope I find him.
In our own world, lit up with a fire.
Because, the truth is, I have been lying,
But I'm not your stereotypical liar.

18th June 2018