It's been a while since you last heard from me. And in that time, I've changed a lot about myself.
I told myself I was finished writing. I felt like it was draining all the happiness out of me. It was as if I needed to focus on the negatives in order to see the deeper side to things. And thus, write about them.
I convinced myself it was the end. But then, it was as if the universe was screaming at me to change my mind, when I was sent a 'recommended for you' post in my email. It was an article on why creative minds are more likely to become depressed. It was about a lady called Nancy Andreasen, a neuroscientist and author of The Creative Brain, who believed that a creative person should embrace their creativity, rather than shutting it out. She believes that depression occurs due to a persons reaction toward the world, and creative people tend to be less adaptive to situations. They question and wonder, and as a result, they can develop depression.
I'm not saying I am depressed, but I do know I am one of these creatives that Nancy was referring to. And I feel like writing is my outlet on how I react to the world. To stop writing, is to shut my creativity out. And I'm not willing to do that.
Anyway, when I said I've changed a lot since you've last heard from me, I mean it in a few ways.
It all started when my relationship ended, after just over a year. It was a wake up call for me. I hadn't changed in a bad way, I just realised I had turned a blind eye on some of the most important aspects of my personality. And I wanted them back.
I've focused my energy on these things, finding something positive in every day that passes. Capturing moments from each day, to remind me of the positive rather than negative when I get low again.
After a while, I'll share my experience with ye.. But for now, I'm just going to work on things :)
And now for the post, I just wrote this one yesterday, on my way home on the bus. Funnily enough, I was only scribbling down sentences, with the intention of expanding on them later. But when I reread over what I'd written to Clarice, she thought it was grand as it was. And so did I, because less is more.
There are no dedications, because if there's anything I've learnt, it's that words can't be taken back. And my point, within this poem, is that you can be all and everything, and still not be enough.
I hope ye like it :)
Inadequate Valuables
Let's say the world is a rose bush.
And I was the roses that gave it it's beauty.
You lost the roses,
And now you're left with the thorns.
Who needs beauty anyway?
And if we were treasures.
I was the diamond in a sea of gold.
You lost the diamond,
And now you're left with the gold.
Who needs that much wealth anyway?
And in society.
I was the genius in a crowd of fools.
You lost the genius,
And now you're left with the fools.
Who needs knowledge anyway?
And in the night sky.
I was the moon that outshone the stars.
You lost the moon,
And now you're just left with the stars.
Who needs the moon anyway?
And all around me
People say you left a great person.
You left the roses from the rose bush,
The diamond from the sea of gold
The genius from the crowd of fools
And the moon, for the stars.
But who had any use for them anyway?
5th August 2016 // Day #14
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