Hey guys,
Recently, life is great. Which is something I always say, no matter how bad things really are. I always cover it up with simple words, because the longer explanation requires careful attention and serious listening.. A lot of the time I don't exactly feel like I have that.
This year, so far, has taught me the art of remembering. My creativity, I feel, has reduced.. And my motivation too. I feel a little disappointed in those two things. They mean more to me than words can express and I've just let them slip.
Up until these recent weeks, I had also forgotten quite a number of things from my childhood.. We get so caught up in the future and all the amazing opportunities ahead of us that sometimes we forget about what's right in front of us.
I've come to remember quite a few little things that meant a hell of a lot to me when I was younger... Like, for instance, when I was really small, and had to step up on my tippee toes and stretch out my arm the furthest I could just to reach the bathroom tap. Or the time myself and Caroline would play with the washing basket, and we'd stand up on top of it just to reach the mirror, when brushing our teeth.
Being in the swimming pool with my old friend, Annika Kuyper. Soaring up through the water, with my yellow goggles, to see her smile. Her blonde hair tucked firmly underneath her swimming cap.
Twirling around in the back garden with Mark, back to back, pretending we were stuck in hurricanes, under attack by unknown species.. In our original game: Aliens. The garden; where children's imaginations bloom!
The feeling of Prince's fur on my hands. His fine hair on his head, thin under my palm. And the way he stood in the wind, braced, waiting for the small piece of plastic bag to lift off of the ground and into the air, where he'd gracefully back-flip and catch it in his mouth before running off with it, racing back and forth the top of the garden.
All of these memories are what fill me up, no matter how rarely I access them. They are the reason I feel like my life is great, even when there are many things wrong. They are the reason I am happy.. Because I know that no matter what changes around me, they are the things that will forever stay solid.
Another thing is the bell from Primary School, a treasured piece of my childhood years. In Primary School, I had a favourite teacher, she was the strictest in the school, but she was my favourite. Her name was Ms Mary and, although she is retired now, I can't allow myself to address her in any other way! She used to be on yard duty, ringing a small, rusty brown bell that alerted us break/lunch was over. The sound of it alone, brings me right back.
I got thinking about that last night, when I visited the school and seen Ms Mary, and the bell. And I felt like I was home, for some reason.
The first day I met Lauren Spellman, smiling her bright, wonderful smile at the local Christmas concert. Grabbing my hand as she greeted me, and being absolutely delighted to be in my presence throughout the whole show..
And the way Trish braided my hair in the hair salon during Work Experience. Admiring the length of my hair, as she plaited it down the way she used to do for her own daughters. Making me feel beautiful.
Rest in Peace, Lauren and Trish, I miss you both everyday x
Other things, include old friends. Ones who have actually left me on bad circumstances. I keep dreaming about them, happy and still in friendship with me. And when I wake up in the morning, realising they no longer love me, or want me in their lives, a part of me continuously keeps shattering over the same people.
I won't say any names, but to all my old friends, if any of ye read this.. I still love ye, best of luck in life.. x
Other than that there is one more person who keeps floating to the surface. He's the same person on whom I based "In Case You Forget", "Before I Let You Go", "Love Cloud" and "The Consequences of Forgetting".. The same person who built up a relationship with me, and then left, just as quick as he arrived. He keeps coming to mind. For many reasons..
Recently Sean and I went to The Script in concert.. and during one of their songs, I felt tears streaming my face as I realised every idea I had ever had of the future, was no longer possible. Not with the people I imagined it with, anyway. And not as the person I thought I would be either. I am happier now, I wouldn't get my readers thinking otherwise. I'm not saying they were tears of sadness - no. They definitely weren't. But when you imagine yourself somewhere, and set your heart on a certain goal, for that to end out differently, isn't exactly disappointing..but it is frightening, for me.
I backtrack through the years many would say I wasted setting my heart on that particular person, but not for a moment do I regret it, because he showed me how someone can have many faces, you don't know a person, no matter how badly you believe you do! You never know when someone's never going to come back, so hold on tight, make every moment count, and absolutely NEVER take anyone for granted.
Thank you for teaching me all that, as spiteful as it may seem. You gave me more than you ever wanted to. And the best part is, by breaking my heart, you helped me understand what love is. You said you didn't know if there were many types of love, but I'll let you know now that there are. There are two types: conditional and unconditional. And you gave me neither.. You know who you are.
Thank you for visiting my blog, and reading this post.. It really means a lot. People say that you don't truly know what you've got until it's gone, and that is very true. I said to myself; "I wish I paid more attention to these things, realised how important and significant they were in my life back then." But now I see I couldn't have realised any more than I already have.. Because, just by remembering them today, and bringing their memories with me, is enough.
The art of remembering is the most meaningful appreciation there is.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Recently, life is great. Which is something I always say, no matter how bad things really are. I always cover it up with simple words, because the longer explanation requires careful attention and serious listening.. A lot of the time I don't exactly feel like I have that.
This year, so far, has taught me the art of remembering. My creativity, I feel, has reduced.. And my motivation too. I feel a little disappointed in those two things. They mean more to me than words can express and I've just let them slip.
Up until these recent weeks, I had also forgotten quite a number of things from my childhood.. We get so caught up in the future and all the amazing opportunities ahead of us that sometimes we forget about what's right in front of us.
I've come to remember quite a few little things that meant a hell of a lot to me when I was younger... Like, for instance, when I was really small, and had to step up on my tippee toes and stretch out my arm the furthest I could just to reach the bathroom tap. Or the time myself and Caroline would play with the washing basket, and we'd stand up on top of it just to reach the mirror, when brushing our teeth.
Being in the swimming pool with my old friend, Annika Kuyper. Soaring up through the water, with my yellow goggles, to see her smile. Her blonde hair tucked firmly underneath her swimming cap.
Twirling around in the back garden with Mark, back to back, pretending we were stuck in hurricanes, under attack by unknown species.. In our original game: Aliens. The garden; where children's imaginations bloom!
The feeling of Prince's fur on my hands. His fine hair on his head, thin under my palm. And the way he stood in the wind, braced, waiting for the small piece of plastic bag to lift off of the ground and into the air, where he'd gracefully back-flip and catch it in his mouth before running off with it, racing back and forth the top of the garden.
All of these memories are what fill me up, no matter how rarely I access them. They are the reason I feel like my life is great, even when there are many things wrong. They are the reason I am happy.. Because I know that no matter what changes around me, they are the things that will forever stay solid.
Another thing is the bell from Primary School, a treasured piece of my childhood years. In Primary School, I had a favourite teacher, she was the strictest in the school, but she was my favourite. Her name was Ms Mary and, although she is retired now, I can't allow myself to address her in any other way! She used to be on yard duty, ringing a small, rusty brown bell that alerted us break/lunch was over. The sound of it alone, brings me right back.
I got thinking about that last night, when I visited the school and seen Ms Mary, and the bell. And I felt like I was home, for some reason.
The first day I met Lauren Spellman, smiling her bright, wonderful smile at the local Christmas concert. Grabbing my hand as she greeted me, and being absolutely delighted to be in my presence throughout the whole show..
And the way Trish braided my hair in the hair salon during Work Experience. Admiring the length of my hair, as she plaited it down the way she used to do for her own daughters. Making me feel beautiful.
Rest in Peace, Lauren and Trish, I miss you both everyday x
Other things, include old friends. Ones who have actually left me on bad circumstances. I keep dreaming about them, happy and still in friendship with me. And when I wake up in the morning, realising they no longer love me, or want me in their lives, a part of me continuously keeps shattering over the same people.
I won't say any names, but to all my old friends, if any of ye read this.. I still love ye, best of luck in life.. x
Other than that there is one more person who keeps floating to the surface. He's the same person on whom I based "In Case You Forget", "Before I Let You Go", "Love Cloud" and "The Consequences of Forgetting".. The same person who built up a relationship with me, and then left, just as quick as he arrived. He keeps coming to mind. For many reasons..
Recently Sean and I went to The Script in concert.. and during one of their songs, I felt tears streaming my face as I realised every idea I had ever had of the future, was no longer possible. Not with the people I imagined it with, anyway. And not as the person I thought I would be either. I am happier now, I wouldn't get my readers thinking otherwise. I'm not saying they were tears of sadness - no. They definitely weren't. But when you imagine yourself somewhere, and set your heart on a certain goal, for that to end out differently, isn't exactly disappointing..but it is frightening, for me.
I backtrack through the years many would say I wasted setting my heart on that particular person, but not for a moment do I regret it, because he showed me how someone can have many faces, you don't know a person, no matter how badly you believe you do! You never know when someone's never going to come back, so hold on tight, make every moment count, and absolutely NEVER take anyone for granted.
Thank you for teaching me all that, as spiteful as it may seem. You gave me more than you ever wanted to. And the best part is, by breaking my heart, you helped me understand what love is. You said you didn't know if there were many types of love, but I'll let you know now that there are. There are two types: conditional and unconditional. And you gave me neither.. You know who you are.
Thank you for visiting my blog, and reading this post.. It really means a lot. People say that you don't truly know what you've got until it's gone, and that is very true. I said to myself; "I wish I paid more attention to these things, realised how important and significant they were in my life back then." But now I see I couldn't have realised any more than I already have.. Because, just by remembering them today, and bringing their memories with me, is enough.
The art of remembering is the most meaningful appreciation there is.
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<3 I miss Lauren and Trish too.
ReplyDeleteAnd I completely understand how scary it is when the future you had imagined is no longer possible! But I wouldn't change my present for the world!
I smiled at all those memories and remembered heaps more! We had a great childhood! We have mum and dad to thank for ensuring that! :)
Xxxxxxxxx